The Silence
by Jedigrl330
Summary: My first songfic, it's about Tabby and Amara. Don't want to give it away...


Authors Notes: Hey y'all! I know, I know, I need to get working on my ongoing fics but these dang one shots just keep popping into my head and I can't get rid of them! This is my fist songfic so any constructive criticism would be helpful. It starts off a bit slow, I know, but it gets a little more fast paced towards the end.

Disclaimers: I don't own X-men evolution anything (that's all marvel…lucky bastards), and the song "Words I couldn't say" is sung and owned by Rascal Flatts.

Lyrics will be italicized and bolded and underlinedMemories/past events will be italicized

The Silence

Amara Aquilla couldn't stop the tears that slid silently down her face. She couldn't think, didn't want to think. It was over. Everything she felt, everything she loved, lived for, had just been snatched out of her hands, her heart. Her cell phone lay at her feet, the bringer of death. The mall hallway went blurry and the seventeen-year-old girl finally collapsed to her knees and sobbed. While strangers gathered the memories began to run through Amara's mind…

_**In a book in a box in the closet,**_

_**In a line in a song I once heard,**_

A fifteen-year-old Amara quietly placed Tabby's birthday present on the older girl's dresser. The thick scrapbook looked slightly out of place in Tabby's Spartan room. It was the only object that suggested someone lived there beside the open suitcase pushed up against the wall. Pink writing on a denim cover drew attention immediately and Amara couldn't help but smile as she slipped back out. The now seventeen-year-old Tabby slept on, her light snoring the only sound in the room.

Tabby had been back with the X-men for just under two weeks. After the defeat of Apocalypse the teen felt more connected with her fellow mutants than ever before. Plus, her best friend still resided at the Mansion and she had been missing Amara something terrible. It was summer; the sun woke Tabby before her alarm went off. The annoying contraption was set to go off at ten; it read 9:43 when bright blue eyes fluttered open. Before the dumb alarm clock could ring, Tabby reached over and turned it off. Groaning, she rolled back over and tugged her sheet over her head.

Three minutes later, the disgruntled teen decided that it was too hot to sleep and rolled out of bed. Eyes still closed, Tabby popped her neck and touched her clock to switch to the radio. A song blared and the blonde smiled. Swaying to the beat, she turned away to find something to wear to her training session with Logan. He had said to be dressed in something more than her old Siren outfit and to wear a bathing suit underneath whatever she chose. Considering Tabby only owned ten articles of clothing the request was harder than Logan knew. Rogue had let her borrow a bathing suit and Tabby striped to pull it on. It was then something caught up in her mind.

Whirling, Tabby saw the scrapbook. Quickly, she finished pulling on the black bathing suit and stepped closer to her dresser (no clothes in it yet). On the cover two girls smiled up at the teen. Their hair was forward and blowing to the left, it showed that they were bent forward to take the picture, trying to stay out of the wind. Both girls had huge grins and their arms were slung around one another in a friendly gesture. The picture was just over five months old, Tabby barely recognized herself.

It had been a hard six months on the girl. She had to do things she never thought she would just to get by. The ghosts still haunted her and would for a long time but she wouldn't speak of them to anyone, not even Amara. Oh, Amara, the tan girl looked so carefree in the photo. An almost painful swelling filled Tabby's chest. Her best friend, her confidante, her love, had taken the time to make the book for her.

In the hall, Amara heard Tabby crack open the heavy cover of the scrapbook and smiled. Light giggles could be heard and Amara imagined the pictures her friend was encountering. She was glad she could still make Tabby smile.

**In a moment on a front porch late one June**

**In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon**

It was June 15th, six days after Tabby's seventeenth birthday and exactly a month before Amara's sixteenth. A splash split the hot night air. Amara's gleeful shriek carried up the open windows in the Mansion. Scott Summer's casually glanced out his bedroom window above and to the right of the pool. The porch light was on, one of the glass doors was open, and in the pool was a fully clothed Amara Aquilla. He almost called out to make sure she was okay but then Tabby's head sneakily poked out of the water. They were playing, or Tabby was, and he turned back to Jean. She smiled and held out her arms. All thoughts of the teens below him left Scott's mind.

"Tabby! I know you're out there you fishy freak!" Amara called in mock anger.

Tabby's amazing ability to stay underwater for three minutes at a time always seemed to work against the other residents of the Mansion. Amara hadn't wanted to get wet but she couldn't help but love how the cold water felt on her sticky skin. Of course, she'd never let Tabby know she was enjoying her surprise swim. Silence was Amara's only answer. "Tabby…come on, I wanted to tell you something…" Amara shifted her voice to insinuate she had a juicy bit of gossip, something Tabby couldn't resist.

Suddenly a hand snaked around Amara's ankle and tugged…HARD…. Amara felt her head go all the way under water and her lungs burn in momentary panic. The hand released her and Amara kicked to the surface. She was met with Tabby's manic laughter. "'Mar…I'm sorry but…man, it was too open. Gotta be ready, 'member?" she nagged the sputtering girl with Logan's past lessons.

Tabby never saw the devilish look in Amara's eyes before the younger teen pounced. She held the blonde underwater for as long as her arms could stand the fight. Then, even as she released Tabby, Amara was swimming towards the side of the pool. She was out before the blonde had caught her breath. "Gotta be ready, huh Tabs?" Amara teased from above.

Growling, Tabby lunged in Amara's direction. With another shriek, this one more of a high-pitched giggle, Amara took off. Behind the fleeing teen, Tabby easily pulled herself out of the water and pursued her prey. Oooh, she'd catch Amara, then make her pay…

Amara was rounding the last corner to the front lawn when Tabby caught her. They rolled on the grass and Tabby landed straddling her friend. "Ha! None can defeat the amazing Boom Boom!!!" she screamed for the world to hear.

"Shut-up!!" was called down from Laura's new room.

From the ground, both teens looked up to see an annoyed Wolverine clone leaning out her window. "Sorry Laura, guess we got carried away." Amara apologized in a normal conversing voice, knowing the girl two stories up would hear.

There was a snap as Laura closed her window. Tabby looked down, her bright blue eyes locked on Amara's doe brown ones. They weren't full of the expected mirth but with something else, something deeper. No words were spoken as Tabby rolled off the younger girl and helped her to rise. "Wanna walk to the front door? Closer to the back and we won't drip water as far…" Tabby suggested.

Amara nodded and gave a soft smile. She didn't drop Tabby's hand when she rose but instead held onto to it. The sparks flying between the two were obvious to any onlooker, though there were none. Silently, the two proceeded to the front porch. It was a grand staircase that led to an equally grand front stoop. Truthfully, it wasn't the smartest place to hang out because Logan had installed a camera two years before when the new mutants arrived. Still Tabby couldn't help but stop and turn to her companion at this point. "Amara…" she whispered.

For a moment Tabby thought her friend hadn't heard. That wasn't true. Amara's heart was just beating too hard for her to respond. Fear, apprehension, and uncertainty choked the young teen as she tried to speak. Then, soft pink lips brush lightly against deeper red ones.

**There it was at the tip of my fingers**

**There it was on the tip of my tongue**

Amara's eyes shot wide after the kiss. Her breath came in gasps though the kiss had lasted less than five seconds. This wasn't her first kiss, not by a long shot, but it was her first kiss with HER, with Tabby, with her love. And she couldn't even open her mouth to tell the blonde how she felt. Of course, Amara didn't know how Amara felt so the opening of her mouth would have been relatively useless in that moment. But she should have said SOMETHING.

"Come upstairs with me, please?" Tabby's voice held no jokes or whine as it usually did, instead it was soft and gentle.

Stomach turning somersaults, Amara nodded. Tabby's 1000-watt smile was worth it. The two snuck upstairs, not because they were breaking any rules but because both sensed that sneaking was in order that night. Once Tabby's door closed the older girl had Amara pinned up against it. Amara stiffened on instinct but as she felt Tabby's lips caress her own she relaxed. Never had a kiss felt this fulfilling. Never had a kiss felt this real. Never had a kiss felt so perfect.

As it became hard to breathe Tabby pulled away. Both girls panted hard, both with grins. Pushing down the fear, Amara tackled Tabby to the bed. This time she started the kiss. Without breaking lips there was a power struggle. Tabby ended up on top, once again. Her pale hands crept under Amara's still soaked shirt. The sopping material smacked against the wall and slid to the floor. Neither girl noticed.

Caught up in the emotion, the feeling, the excitement, Tabby lost herself. Her thoughts revolved around the tan goddess beneath her and the yummy sounds Amara was making. A small click announced that Amara's bra was undone. It was then the younger girl froze.

**There you were and I had never been that far**

**There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms**

"Amara? Are you okay? Are we…?" Tabby breathed out and rolled off of her goddess.

Amara responded with a hard, quick hug.

**And I let it all slip away**

Then she pulled away. "Amara?" Tabby moved to brush away the tear forming on brown skin.

Before the pale fingers could touch her cheek, Amara was gone. The door banged against the wall, as it slammed open. Tabby couldn't move. Tears built and fell. Her already hurt heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

**What do I do now you're gone**

**No back up plan, No second chance**

**And no one else to blame**

Three days later, Amara knocked on Tabby's door. It swung open easily. She stepped inside and looked around. Even before the words came to her mind the teen knew Tabby was gone. By the time her gaze looped around to the dresser her sight was blurred by tears. Lying on the dresser was a denim book with pink writing on the cover. A sob choked Amara. Missing from the cover was the picture she had pasted to the front. Tucked into the pages but sticking out of the book was a crumpled piece of notebook paper.

Still sobbing, Amara slipped out the wrinkled paper and looked at the words scrawled in Tabby's writing.

**My Dear Amara**

**I know you'll find this. There are so many questions I have. Things I wish I could ask of you. But I can't, that wouldn't be fair. Just let me say this; I love you. I've loved you for a long time. You were the only thing keeping my head above water and now, this rejection…I can't stay here. I can't just be your friend. I'm sorry it's so selfish but I'll die. DIE. If I stay here and pretend everything's the way it used to be. So, I'm leaving. Please don't look for me; I couldn't stand to say good-bye, to see you cry again. I'm not coming back. I'm sorry. I love you, more than life. I love you. **

**Love always,**

**Tabby**

**P.S.-Tell the others I'll miss them. And tell Prof. X I said thanks. **

Letting out a scream of pain, Amara collapsed to the floor. Her fists pummeled the floor, the dresser, the wall, anything they could reach, until blood flowered from the raw wounds. "NO! NO! NO!NOOO!" Amara howled.

Running footsteps pounded down the hallway. Kurt was the first to arrive, having ported. Amara took a savage swing screaming, "GET OUT!"

Scott pushed the door open so hard the handle buried itself in the wall. He took in the scene in under a second and turned to keep the others out. This was private. This was Amara's mourning; she deserved to let it happen.

**There's a rain that will never stop falling**

**There's a wall I've tried to take down**

It had been four and a half months since Tabby left. Amara slept in the abandoned room and wouldn't let anyone else inside the sanctuary. Rain poured outside the Mansion, the sound filled the emptiness of the four walls Amara was staring at. She focused her gaze out the window and let her tears start again.

A worried Storm peeked in the room. She had watched Amara struggle to get over her friend. There had been more, Ororo was sure of it. This was no ordinary mourning period. Amara couldn't get past the barrier Tabby's departure had put between her and the rest of the students. Even Laura was more social than the destroyed girl.

Knowing it was useless to talk to the child, Ororo closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. When she opened her eyes Amara was standing in the doorway staring up at her. The girl's empty eyes sent a chill down Ororo's spine. "Amara, dinner's ready if you'd like to come eat." Ororo had to work to keep her voice upbeat.

Silently, Amara shook her head and closed the door of Tabby's room.

**What I should've said just wouldn't past my lips**

**So I held back and now we've come to this**

On the floor of the Bayville mall, Amara's chest filled with regret. If she could relive that night, that June 15th , she would. Instead of being afraid, instead of holding back, she would tell Tabby she loved her. "This can't be happening. This can't be happening!" the scream rose and the gathered audience backed away.

It was then Ororo and Logan showed up. Logan easily picked Amara up and carried her through the crowd. She never stopped sobbing in his shirt.

**And it's too late now**

A week later Amara could stand. She had slept most of the week away, dreaming of better times, of things that should've gone differently. Now, Tabby was arriving. She'd be at the Mansion in less than an hour. But Amara felt no need to hurry. Because Tabby was arriving in a casket.

**What do I do now that you're gone**

**No back up plan, no second chances**

**And no one else to blame**

Xavier told Amara that she should speak at the memorial. Amara's only response was a silent nod. In the few hours she was awake, the girl wrote a speech. Something that showed Tabby for the lovely, brave person she was. It sounded like utter crap that morning. Brown eyes scanned the words that had once sounded so beautiful now sounded scripted and hollow. Emotionless, she tucked the note cards into the pocket of her black dress anyway.

Outside, birds sang in the tiny cemetery behind the Mansion. It was a beautiful spring day. One Tabby would've loved once she got out of bed. The thought brought a fresh wave of tears cascading down Amara's cheeks.

**All I can hear in the silence that remains**

**Are the words I couldn't say**

As she approached the open casket, Amara couldn't breathe. There was silence over the gathered students as the Brazilian teen walked towards the black box. Taking a deep breath, Amara looked inside. What she saw surprised her.

Tabby looked old. The skin covering the bones was stretched to tight and looked waxy. Looked dead, Amara had to remind herself that it was because the thing laid out in front of her was dead. Tabby was dead. Her eighteen-year-old face looked closer to thirty and the make up was much too grown up for the fun loving teen Amara had known, had loved. Something whispered by Amara's ear. Tabby's joy filled laugh, a splash; Amara whirled towards the pool. There was nothing. Nothing. Silence. It echoed around the girl for almost a full minute before Ororo came up behind her to lead her away.

**Are the words I couldn't say**

**I should've found a way to tell you how I felt**

**Now the only one I'm tellin' is myself**

Professor Xavier held the service; he spoke fast. Amara heard precisely none of it. His voice was an annoying buzzing in the back of her mind. Her eyes remained glued to the open black casket. At the end of his spiel, Xavier nodded to Amara.

Shakily, she stood and proceeded forward to the podium. Walking past it, she looked down on Tabby again. It was hard to find the person she loved so much in the corpse lying there but there were whispers. Whispers of better days and easier times, whispers of Tabby's laugh and dancing to music; they made even more tears spill. With a shaky hand and an uncertain mind, Amara reached out to touch Tabby's face. She longed to kiss the too dark lips but didn't.

Turning, she looked out at her family.

**What do I do now that you're gone**

**No back up plan, no second chance**

**And no one else to blame**

**All I can hear in the silence that remains**

**Are the words I couldn't say**

She started to speak several times. Each with a different opening line but nothing got past the first five words. Finally, overcome by sobs of frustration, regret, pain, and longing, Amara bent her head to the podium. "Why?! She was…she was…Tabby why did you leave me?" she shouted through her arms.

No one moved to speak. No one moved to help Amara. No one moved to put Tabitha Smith in her last resting spot. Not for half an hour. Then Scott and Peter and Logan closed and lowered the casket. All of the students silently went back into the school. Once all of the dirt was back in place, Scott, Peter and Logan did the same.

Only Amara remained.

She crawled on her knees to the tombstone that marked Tabby's gave. There were no more tears in her body but she still continued to sob. The rose in her hand was dieing and she shakily laid it across the top of the stone.

**What do I do now, what do I say**

**And no one else to blame**

**All I can hear in the silence that remains**

**Are the words I couldn't say**

"I love you." Amara finally let herself say.


End file.
